A Visible Darkness

It was a lonely night, illuminated only by the dim light of a streetlamp. I looked up, thinking that perhaps I would see something, but in reality, there was nothing, only darkness, a visible darkness. I think of the thousands of things that happen in other places, things that are perhaps better or worse than this insignificant night, but also a night that overwhelms me. I decide to walk, to escape this loneliness and darkness, but every time I try, I can't. I flee from this place, I run, but I always end up here in this dark night with only a streetlamp, a streetlamp that overwhelms me, suffocates me, frightens me. I think, why did I trade my life for this? Why? At what price? Was this supposed happiness? Supposed freedom? No, no, it can't be. I refuse to accept it. More than happiness or freedom, it is torture. I declare it torture. But how can I leave this? How can I flee from something that haunts me? Submitting to my thoughts and imaginings is no longer an option; Even that overwhelms me... What will become of me? I cry, I scream, but no one hears me. Days, weeks, months, years pass, until one day the lamppost explodes and a small light emerges from it. The change in my surroundings worries me, frightens me. Why has this happened? I hide. Every second, minute, hour that passes, the light must be bigger and brighter. I can't lie, it is a beautiful and perpetual light, ethereal at the same time. As the weeks go by, I have grown accustomed to that splendor. I feel a peace now, but also fear. Fearing what caused this sudden change, I decided to leave my hiding place. I lay down on the grass, closed my eyes, feeling the light and the warmth, something I hadn't felt in many years. As I closed my eyes, I remembered my past life, my entire journey. I understood the few moments when I was happy. A tear fell. I remember so clearly the day I screamed and begged to be alone in the dark, that it was all I needed. I won't lie to you, I was happy in the darkness with what little I had. I felt fulfilled, but as the years passed, that happiness faded, and I thought: maybe it was all a mistake? I thought I was crazy, that this was for the best, but no, it wasn't, and all I did was cause harm. I give up easily, and if I could, I would change it. The moments I suffered consumed my thoughts. My life suffocated me, but it had a solution; everything did. But this? Will it have a solution? I fall into a deep sleep where I see a beautiful forest for the first time. I see people and approach them, but I realize I am a prisoner. I am trapped inside myself. I can see, hear, and smell, but I cannot speak, I cannot move, only admire. Observing deeply, I realize that not everyone is human. There are women with wings, dressed differently from the others, and men with the same customs as these women. Listening to their names was interesting until I heard one that caught my attention: Phoebe. A name I'd never heard before. I discovered her species: fairy? Or so she said. It would make some sense, but fairies? Please, they don't exist. All of this was part of my subconscious. Phoebe looks me in the eyes and says, "Wake up NOW." And I wake up confused. I wonder how she did that. I try to go back to sleep, but I can't. I decide to walk around. I can't stop thinking about Phoebe. The power she had, and I'm longing to see her again. Just one more night. I think about my life. Have I ever met anyone like her? No, never, and that's what makes it interesting. As I walk, I find a stream for the first time. So much darkness hadn't allowed me to see this beauty. I touch the water, so natural, so clean and cold. Oh, how cold! It could soothe anyone's worries. I take a little and, once I lie down... I close my eyes once more and return to that deep sleep and I see her... it's HER, Phoebe. I follow her, I run after her, I shout her name, PHOEBE, PHOEBE, PHOEBE. She turns around, I see her face, wow, her face, a face never seen before. Her gaze and eyes would pierce the heart of any man. Her lips, like Cupid's, her dark, wavy hair, her ethereal beauty drew me even more to her. Her gaze, serious but honest, I couldn't get her out of my mind. I'm stunned. I've never seen a woman like her, so, so, so... Perfect. I must fall short of words when I describe her. Phoebe, the only woman who moved my world with a snap. I woke up and said, "Phoebe, who are you? Why aren't you like the others?" I whispered her name again, softly this time, as if it might summon her from the fading edges of my dream. “Phoebe… who are you?” Silence answered me. Only the faint rustling of the grass moved through the darkness. I sat up slowly, feeling the cold breeze run across m y skin the same breeze that once chilled me with fear, yet now carried a strange comfort. The stream shimmered nearby, reflecting a light I could not explain. Not the dim, suffocating glow of the streetlamp, nor the violent flash of its explosion. This was something gentler, warmer, alive. I stood and stepped closer. As I looked into the water, expecting to see my own reflection, I saw hers instead Phoebe, standing behind me in the forest of my dreams, her wings half-open, her eyes fixed on mine with that same honest, piercing gaze. But when I turned around, she wasn’t there. Only darkness. Quiet. The night as it had always been. Yet the reflection remained. Unmoving. Patient. And then I understood. She had never been standing behind me. She had been within me all along the part of myself I had buried under years of fear, regret, and wandering in circles. The part that could still glow, even in the deepest night. The water rippled, and her reflection dissolved into mine I breathed. For the first time in years, I didn’t feel trapped. I didn’t feel hunted by my own thoughts. I didn’t feel alone beneath that endless night. I stepped back from the stream and looked up. The darkness was still there, vast and heavy but no longer empty. Something new lived within it now, faint but real, like a star learning how to shine. “Thank you,” I whispered, not knowing if she could hear me. Maybe Phoebe was a dream. Maybe she was a memory. Maybe she was something more. But whatever she was, she had awakened something no darkness could bury again. I turned away from the stream and started walking. Not running. Not fleeing. Walking forward, at last. And for the first time, the night didn’t pull me back. It opened. It listened. It let me go.